Suicide-- In Memory of Gia Allemand

 

 

Gia Allemand

 

12/20/83-8/14/13

 

 

 

How do you get that lonely?

How do you hurt that bad?

To make you make the call

That having no life at all

Is better than the

 life that you had?

 

How do you feel so empty?

You want to let it all go

How do you get that lonely

And nobody know?

 

Blaine Larsen

 

 

 

For anyone who is feeling suicidal the following tips are from the book ":A Reason to Live" by Melody Beattie. These tips are given in memory of the beautiful and young Gia Allemand, a reality tv star, who hung herself and died way too soon.

 

Seek professional help.

Call a suicide prevention hotline.

  Samaritanshope.org

Give yourself 24 hours

Take a walk

Say the serenity prayer

Listen to music

Do 2 things each day

Adopt a shelter pet

Keep a journal

Allow time to heal

Live one day at a time

Join a support group

Remember someone needs you

Use your pain to help others

You can find another way to express your pain

Pray

Read the Bible

You will never know what might have been

 

 

 The late Catherine Marshall once said that she believed that most people who had committed suicide would not have done so if only they had waited 24 hours.

 

Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait, I say on the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

 

The Firefighter's Prayer-- In Memory

The Firefighter's Prayer

When I am called to duty, God, whenever flames may rage;

Give me strength to save some life, whatever be its age.

Help me embrace a little child before it is too late

Or save an older person from the horror of that fate.

Enable me to be alert and hear the weakest shout,

And quickly and efficiently to put the fire out.

I want to fill my calling and to give the best in me,

To guard my every neighbor and protect his property.

And if, according to my fate, I am to lose my life;

Please bless with your protecting hand
my children and my wife.

Author Unknown

In Memory Granite Mountain Hotshots

Kevin Woyjeck  21

Chris Mackenzie  30

Billy Warneke  25

Scott Norris  28

Andrew Ashcroft  29

Anthony Rose  23

Eric Marsh  43

Robert Caldwell  23

Clayton Whitted  28

Dustin Deford  24

Sean Misner  26

Garnet Zuppiger  27

Travis Carter  31

Grant Mckee  21

Travis Turbyfill  27

Jesse Steed  36

Wade Parker  22

Joe Thurston  32

John Percin  24

 

 

 

 

My Journey Out of the New Age

   I grew up in a household that was involved in the New Age.  My parents were into astrology, palmistry, contacting spirits with the Ouija board, levitating tables, Edgar Cayce, and reincarnation. We also were nominal Protestants and attended church.
   I went to my first psychic fair at the age of 13. I went to a medium several times. I did astrology charts and tarot cards.
   I bought a book called "A Course in Miracles". It is a book that is diametrically opposed to the gospels, yet subtly deceptive, so that those without a strong religious background, can be easily deceived by it. The book was channeled through an atheist psychologist named Helen Schucman in collaboration with William Thetford. The material for the book was channeled from a disembodied entity calling itself "Jesus" over a period of several years. From 1971-1978 William Thetford, along with David Saunders, was head of a project called MK Ultra. MK Ultra is a form a psychological bondage and mind control, which some feel is used today in the entertainment and music industries.
   The Course in Miracles said such things as, "the crucifixion did not establish the atonement, the resurrection did". Or in other words Christ did not die for your sins. It says there is no such thing as evil or sin. The best book I have read, about someone who also was involved with the New Age, and the Course in Miracles, is entitled, "The Light that was Dark" by Warren Smith. He sat down with a legal pad and wrote down the major themes of the Bible and the Course in Miracles. He compared and contrasted them. He said that if the Bible was of Christ, and he believed that it was, then the Course in Miracles was the Holy Bible turned upside down, or the antithesis of the Bible. It was anti-Christ.
   I started attending church on a regular basis at the age of 25. After a short stint as a Unitarian and anti-nuclear activist, I was baptized Catholic at the age of 32. When I was baptized, I renounced Satan and his pomps and works. After 20+ years in the New Age, this was a good thing. I threw out several large bags of New Age books, including the Course in Miracles.
   However, I wasn't immediately delivered from the New Age, when I became Catholic. Unfortunately the church I chose to join had a priest and three young women that were receiving messages from "Jesus" and "Mary". On most Thursday nights the priest, would stand in front of the congregation and channel messages from "Jesus" and "Mary". For several years I believed these messages, and Marian apparitions, such as Medjugorje, were from God. After several years, through discernment of the messages, I realized that the Marian apparitions and messages were from the same source as the New Age channeled messages.
   I was Catholic for 21 years. After I left the Catholic church, I was a Baptist for 7 months. The Baptist church did not recognize my Catholic baptism as valid, although it was an adult baptism by immersion. The Baptist church was Biblically based, warm, and friendly, but I found that I missed a liturgical style of worship. I am now a Lutheran.
   Many who are involved in the New Age are sincere spiritual seekers and have no idea that the being they are serving is not God, certainly not the Jesus of the Bible, who died for our sins. The two big lies from the garden of Eden are, you shall be as gods, and you shall not die. But Hebrews 9:27 says, "it is appointed unto man once to die and then comes the judgment". We only live once. That makes this short life on earth much more valuable. And we do not become gods. We are sinners in need of a Savior.
   All that glitters is not gold. The New Age looks so enticing, so inviting.  Only in surrendering to a God who is greater than ourselves can we truly be set free.
   I think some New Agers have a stereotype of  Christians as being narrow minded polyannas. However, many of us are prodigals and come from backgrounds of lives filled with every sin imaginable. A person does not have to be living a holy life to come to God. God will meet you right where you are. And he will lead you home.
  

Is the Illuminati Real?

   Some people believe that there is a secretive, shadowy, group called the Illuminati that basically rules the world. They believe that the Illuminati is active in areas of government, banking, entertainment, business, and even religion, to name a few. Do I believe there is such a group? Yes, I do. However, my areas of interest are in music and religion. I do not choose to follow what some feel is the influence of the Illuminati in current events or in politics.
   There are conspiracy theorists, all over the internet, who would find a conspiracy, behind such events, as the Boston Marathon bombing or the recent explosion near Waco, Texas, on the 20th anniversary of the Waco disaster. I choose not to go there. As the saying goes, "it is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness". To plant bombs full of shrapnel near human beings and families like that of Denise, Bill, Martin, and Jane Richard is evil. To me, we all have choices in life and it is much better to choose life, not death, and good, not evil. When does a person get so twisted that good becomes evil and evil becomes good?
   Then there is the world of music. There are so many  talented and creative people who seem to be sold out to the powers that be in the industry. Reality tv is my guilty pleasure and American Idol is my favorite, although my favorite Idol singers, Adam Lambert, Clay Aiken, and Crystal Bowersox all finished 2nd, even though they each outsold the "winner" for their respective season. All of the judges appear to have strong Illuminati ties. It's a high paying job. Follow the money.
   If there was a poster child for the Illuminati puppet action figure, it would surely be Madonna, Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, or more recently Nicki Minaj. After Nicki's exorcism appearance on the Grammys in 2012, I was researching her on my old computer and got the BSOD or blue screen of death. The computer totally crashed. It was DOA at the local computer repair store. This week she started talking in her British accent on Idol, something Rihanna and Britney have also done. At one point this season, she turned to Keith Urban and asked him, "do you have an alter ego when you perform?" He said, "no". Speaking in a British accent and having an alter ego when performing, a Beyonce does with Sasha Fierce, can point to programming by handlers in the music industry. For information on programming and MK Ultra see Vigilant Citizen
   And then there is the world of religion. As one Luciferian said, "Christianity is ours, Christ is not." About half of the preachers who appear on religious tv, may have ties to the Masons or to the Illuminati. Some of these may be Dr. David Jeremiah, Rick Warren, Greg Laurie, and T. D. Jakes. There are those who claim that Dr. Billy Graham has ties with the New World Order.
   I don't understand the allure of power, fame, or money. Truly the best things in life are free. I cannot comprehend institutionalized darkness. Ultimately loves wins out over hate. "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5  Each of us has a choice to make in this world. Will we serve light or darkness, goodness or evil? "This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses, therefore choose life, so that you and your descendants may live." Deuteronomy 30:19.

Living with Sarcoidosis

   Sarcoidosis is a chronic, systemic, inflammatory, granulomatous, disease of unknown origin. Sarcoidosis is found in one in fifty Black Americans. This makes it much more common than sickle cell anemia. The death rate from sarcoidosis is 10% and has claimed Reggie White, pictured above, who died at age 43. He had cardiac and pulmonary involvement. Also Bernie Mac died at age 50 from sarcoidosis.

Other Celebrities with Sarcoidosis:

Karen Duffy
Floyd Mayweather
Evander Holyfield
Bill Russell
Daisy Fuentes
Tisha Campbell-Martin

To paraprase a sarcoidosis advocate called "the gardener", sarcoidosis is "kind of like other major diseases, but without the recognition, attention, sympathy, funding, treatment, or cure."

Karen Duffy has said about living with sarcoidosis, "I have mourned for my old life and I'm trying to figure out who I am now."

I have been living with sarcoidosis for 35 years. However, my illness was misdiagnosed for years, and only recently has been clarified. How does sarcoidosis affect me on a daily basis? Well, first of all, I had to quit my job as an RN, which was very difficult. I tolerate very little activity, about 2 hours of activity, outside the home, every other day. The sarcoidosis has affected my right eye, heart, lungs, and nervous system. I have daily pain which varies in intensity and chronic fatigue.
   Sarcoidosis is different for each person who has it. Some are still able to work, and then some die from the disease.
   Jen Barrick was involved in a near fatal collision and had this to say about living with a disability: "I want everyone who is broken or hurting to know that God can still use you. He doesn't look down on you. He looks on you more. The weakest people have done the most for God, because in our weakness He is strong. Don't ever be ashamed of your weakness. God wants you to see the potential of,who you are going to be with His help. He wants to bring beauty from your ashes and heal your wounded heart. God wants to use you where you are, as you are. And he promises to carry you on the days you can't see ahead."   Jen Barrick

   I would not have chosen to live with a chronic, painful, debilitating disease. But I am trying to make the best of the situation where I find myself. I have to find my worth and value outside of a profession I can no longer participate in. I am still here and there is always hope.

Medical Error and Misdiagnosis: The Hidden Epidemic

  Every year more patients die from medical error and misdiagnosis than from Alzheimer's, diabetes, or kidney disease. Of the top ten leading causes of death in the US, medical errors would come in right beneath accidents, which are the 5th leading cause of death. 

The Top Ten Causes of Death:

 1. Heart Disease
 2. Cancer
 3. Stroke
 4. Lung Disease
 5. Accidents
 6. Alzheimer's
 7. Diabetes
 8. Pneumonia and Flu
 9. Kidney Disease
10. Sepsis


   Studies have shown that doctors misdiagnose fatal diseases about 20% of the time. It is essential in this era of computers and widespread medical information that patients educate themselves.

   I have been misdiagnosed on several occasions. I have a background of graduating with a BSN in Nursing and working as a hospital RN, prior to bcoming ill with several autoimmune conditions which rendered me disabled and chronically ill. This is my story: 

   At the age of 20 I had my first bout of iritis. Iritis in an inflammatory condition of the uvea of the eye which results in  pain, redness, and photophobia of the eye. It is diagnosed by an Opthalmologist looking through a slit lamp to see the inflammation. It is the 3rd leading cause of blindness in the US.
   My case was misdiagnosed. I was put on narcotics for the severe pain in my eye and was not given prednisone drops for the inflammation, which is the  treatment of choice. As a result of this, I lost 90% of the vision in the eye, which was later surgically repaired. 
   Over the years I have had 23 bouts of iritis and have put over 1,000 drops of Pred Forte, a steroid solution, into my right eye. I have also had dozens of bouts of scleritis, which is similar, but not as severe.
   From the age of 21 until age 36 I was relatively healthy and graduated from college and worked as a hospital RN.
   Then at the age of 36 the iritis in my right eye returned. Also at that time I developed shortness of breath, arthritic pain, tachycardia, numbness, fatigue, hair loss, and lung infections.This was misdiagnosed at the time as being indicative of lupus. There is not a specific test for lupus, it is diagnosed by meeting 4 of 12 diagnostic criteria.
   As it turns out, I have 8 different autoimmune conditions, none of which is lupus. My primary condition is sarcoidosis, which is an inflammatory granulomatous systemic disease. It is similar in a way to lupus and the treatment is virtually the same.
   It is common for a person to have more than one autoimmune condition. The conditions I have are, sarcoidosis, addison's disease, celiac disease, ankylosing spondylitis, iritis, scleritis, peripheral neuropathy, and raynaud's.
   Iritis is often associated with other diseases such as sarcoidosis, crohn's disease, or reiter's disease. It is not commonly associated with lupus.
   Once I was misdiagnosed with lupus, the doctors could not see the forest for the trees. Lupus is not a disease that can cause adrenal insufficiency, as can sarcoidosis, which is in the same family as TB, which is the largest cause of adrenal insufficiency worldwide. When I started having bouts of acute adrenal insufficiency, the diagnosis was missed, due to the original misdiagnosis of lupus.
   After the acute adrenal issues presented, I was sent for a chest xray due to recurrent shortness of breath. It showed multiple calcified left hilar lymph nodes. This showed a longstanding granulomatous disease. The 4 major granulomatous diseases are TB, sarcoidosis, histoplasmosis, and coccidiomycosis or Valley Fever. I was later shown to have granulomatous calcifications in my spleen. Also I had a lump in my right parotid.
   The adrenal crisis symptoms were very severe and missed by every doctor I went to. The symptoms included, very severe upper arm or back pain, moderate to severe abdominal pain, dry heaves, nausea, weakness, dizziness, and diarrhea. The symptoms were only relieved by prednisone. Some doctors felt that because I was already on 10 mg of prednisone a day that I could not be having adrenal crisis. I also had a predisposing disease called, late onset congenital adrenal hyperplasia.
   I ended up after 9 years of intermittent adrenal symptoms  being taken by ambulance to the ER for adrenal crisis. At the time I was screaming with pain. In the ER I was given the proper treatment by the ER staff. It consisted of 1,000 cc of Normal Saline IV plus 100 mg of SoluCortef IV. then I was given a second bolus of 100 mg of SoluCortef IV. At this time, the Endo on call, who had never examined me, nor taken a history, said to stop the steroids and treat only my symptoms. I was admitted to the hospital, taken off the steroids, and sent home. Then I was readmitted that same evening in worse crisis than before. The Endo on call again refused to treat me and I was gvien to the house Endo. I was given 850 mg of Solu Cortef IV over a 3 day period, to which I had an excellent clinical response. Then I was sent home with the wrong diagnosis and with my second ER visit totally missing from my chart.
   I currently have a new Primary doctor, one that I know and trust and I was seen in the ER at the hospital where I used to work as an RN and received much improved care there. They say one of the signs of insanity is to continue doing the same thing and expecting a different response. By continuing to go to the same hospital which misdiagnosed me and then tried to cover up their mistakes I was putting my life and health in jeopardy.
   I encourage anyone who feels that their medical care is not appropriate to seek out a new doctor and/or hospital and to be an advocate for their own health and well being.
 
   

  

Lenten Reflections

The following was lifted from Our Daily Bread:  http://odb.org/

   "One night a clergyman was walking to church when a thief pulled a gun on him and demanded his money or his life. When he reached in his pocket to hand over his wallet, the robber saw his clerical collar and said: I see you are a priest. Never mind, you can go. The clergyman, surprised by the robber's unexpected act of piety, offered him a candy bar. The robber said, No thank you, I don't eat candy during Lent."


   When I first left the Catholic church after 21 years, I found out that Baptists do not observe Lent. No stations of the cross, no Ash Wednesday, no holy Thursday service, no Good Friday service, and no giving something up. I realized at that time, not being one to throw out the baby with the bathwater, that in one form or another I would find a church that observed Lent and also return in some ways to the Catholic church. I found a Lutheran church that observed Lent and even had Ash Wednesday services. Also their regular services were liturgical, which I had missed.
   I have made my peace with the Catholic church.  But I do view myself as a born again Christian and not a Catholic any more.
   There are 5 tenets of the Protestant faith that resonate with me. Catholics are aware of Sola Scriptura but tend not to be aware of the other four tenets.

   Solus Christus         Christ Alone
   Sola Scriptura         Scripture Alone
   Sola Fide                  Faith Alone
   Sola Gratia              Grace Alone
   Soli Deo Gloria        Glory to God Alone

I also abide by the 4 beliefs of Evangelicals
   1. Salvation by faith in the atoning death of Jesus
   2. Personal conversion
   3. Authority of Scripture
   4. Sharing faith with non-Christians

Growing up Protestant, and then being Catholic for 21 years, and now returning to a Protestant religion, I consider myself to be a Catholic-Protestant hybrid. I do not believe that God favors one denomination over the other.

   So this Lent I feel called to give up the internet. I have never liked Facebook. But it is encouraging to read that 61% of current Facebook users have decided to take a break from Facebook. Reasons cited include, too time consuming, lack of privacy, and too much drama. Facebook was cited as a cause of 1/3 of all divorces in the UK. Internet addiction, at home and abroad, is rampant. I have found myself caught up in end time predictions, found on the internet, only later to realize that most prophecies were not of God. After having been duped in the past by the New Age, A Course in Miracles, and Marian Apparitions, and recently by Brother Marchus, Susan Davis, Rick Wiles, a possible Olympic bombing, and end of the year destruction, it is time for me to return to traditional forms of worship, and leave the prognosticators behind. Yes I do believe the Lord is coming soon, but we do not know the day nor the hour. The only way to prepare is spiritually. And maybe stock up on a few supplies to cover all the bases.
   May this Lent find us all focusing on a renewal of our faith, a return to church, the Holy Bible, prayer, fasting and almsgiving. And may we turn away from the ways of the world and turn our hearts to the Lord. It isn't easy. Often I feel like the proverbial salmon swimming upstream against our current culture of death, darkness, and destruction.


Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  Matthew 7:13